One Night

To have one night of sleep,
To have one night of peace,
To have one night of sanity,
To have one night of release.

It starts the same, every night,
The thought that today will be new,
Not to have the same thoughts,
Spinning my head right through.

I am ready to go under,
About everything is right,
For me to accept this sleep again,
And the dream that plagues me at night.

I feel it coming,
The drowsiness of night,
My eyes closing and opening,
Will I wake in fright?

Hush now it is beginning,
The same as it always does,
Asleep and then the feeling,
Of why and no because.

Asleep now in the blackness,
The hope fades into the never,
Will I finally dream of happiness,
Or will I dream the same forever.

The lights hum but I cannot see,
The air around me is dark and cold,
The smell of wet metal filling the air,
Like a rusted copper bolt in the rain,
Like a broken gate in the winter,
Like an abandoned furnace left to be.

The pungent fumes surround my limbs,
The aroma that seems so familiar,
A sense of the ghostly taste of death,
Why is this happening now,
Why should I feel this way,
Why have I paid for your sins.

Damp and cold, dark and jaded,
The body is failing to work now,
I can turn my head just slightly,
But my arms will not move,
Nor my legs as might I try,
Just a memory of a life faded.

The precious liquid of that makes us all,
That makes me whole and alive,
Is that what is making this smell,
The pungent aroma around me,
The essence of life transcending death,
The end of mine is heeding its call.

The drip runs across my cheek,
Filling my ear with it’s thickness,
My head feels so heavy and crusted,
My cheek hardens and the smell returns,
Thick and full of metallic haze,
The metal liquid is starting to leak.

Kill me now, please kill me,
Why wont you bring this life to an end,
I have no strength no will or power,
To put up any fight, just let me be,
Let me sink into obscurity,
Let me rest with my family.

An old door opens, slams into the frame,
A large figure looms in the bloodied shadow,
My eyes can make out an arm and a leg,
Not his but someone else’s,
Mine, surely not, but I cannot feel,
My body is wrapped in a shocked domain.

A hand grips my head, pulls it up from the concrete,
I feel the crust break around my skull,
Hair being torn out and left in the ground,
My eyes look left and right,
Left I see my body as it was, yet cold,
On my right is nothing, but bloodied bone and meat.

The scrape of metal on the floor,
Is the last sound my mind remembers,
As the same sound as before starts loud,
The flash of iron I see up raised high,
Swiftly returning to the Earth and me,
The wet thud of flesh and bone from my core.

The feeling is weird and releasing I know,
But I sense what is coming next,
The scrape and the swing just lower down,
A thicker thud, a wetter sound,
The metallic smell filling the air,
The surge to hold on but I let go.

I am a shell, just a body without,
Nothing at my sides, or down
My head still turns but feels something,
A wet coldness, a sharp blade,
The smell is now so strong around me,
I can’t speak or scream, no room for doubt.

I feel my neck for once, this heavy metal lies,
On the skin below my chin,
Feeling my nose with its metallic fury,
The feeling of the skin being slightly moved,
As if parted like a snake would shed it’s own
This is the end now surely, will no-one hear my cries.

What cries you fool, no-one can hear you,
Your mind is the only one that can,
He won’t care, he loves the silence,
The smell and cold is what He wants,
My neck is now light again, as the pressure has gone,
Wait, here it comes, surely the last thud to go through.

Choke, choke, choke, cough, spit, spit, coughed,
Hacking and guttural vomiting is my reward,
Thank you He, it is nearly over now,
I can be at peace and have serenity,
The pulse dies but the eyes still move,
As I gaze into His as my head is held aloft.

The smile, the grin, the evil eye,
That meets mine is my final view and memory,
Of this night and where I have been,
On this sudden journey to the end of my time,
Is this how it will be in the end or not,
All of a sudden I wake and CRY!

My head raised no longer free,
Attached again like my frame,
Why am I shaking and sweating,
I think I am going insane.

For weeks now I have had,
The same dream night after night,
No matter what I do or what I take,
The dream comes into sight.

Am I ever going to be normal,
To get a good nights rest,
Is this just a phase I’m going through,
Or some kind of sick test.

Guess I will have to wait,
And see if all this passes by,
I don’t think I can last much longer,
If it does, I’d rather die.

So I hope that mental peace comes,
To rescue me from this hell,
The hell of having this dream again,
Tomorrow night but I can’t tell.

To have one night of sleep,
To have one night of peace,
To have one night of sanity,
To have one night of release.